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Below are the 3 most recent journal entries recorded in Theresa's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, March 17th, 2004
11:45 am
Feeling pretty good!
When I've had long periods of inactivity like this, inevitably, I will make a huge list of 'to do's' that I expect myself to get done in one day. Now why I would think that I would accomplish a list that has more on it than what I would normally do in a 3 month period of time, I do not know. This morning, I made another of these lists...

Thankfully, I have been in a wonderful season of personal growth and have had seeds that were planted long ago finally take root and start to flourish. One of which is the ability to stand back from myself and realize when I'm sabotaging myself. The 'list' is an act of self sabotage.

Just the fact that I realized this is a big step forward for me! I quickly looked at my list and took the things that are bothering me the most and decided to concentrate on those things alone and let myself off the hook for anything else. I'll do my best and that's all that I can expect of myself.

Yeah for me!!

Current Mood: accomplished
Tuesday, February 3rd, 2004
4:21 pm
Some movie critics bite...
I've decided that I don't really care for 'dark' comedies...and I'm sick of critics and others that think that because you like happy, commercial endings that you are somehow immature and can't face reality.

The point is that movies are meant to be escapes from reality...I see enough of everyday life IN my everyday life. If I wanted to hear about depressing tales of drug addiction, infidelity and everything else in between, I can talk to literally anyone around me...people like to have hope and that's why happy endings are so popular.

I 'get' dark comedies, but after a long day of realism and sad news stories, why in the world would I want more of the same from a movie?
Tuesday, December 9th, 2003
1:33 pm
Various musings...
You know, when I was thinking that my tests could possibly turn up cancer, I started thinking what odd timing it was....

I can remember a time that I felt that I wouldn't live past the age of 30. It was really concrete in my mind that I would die early. Then I read in the Bible that "He who loves his life will lose it"...well, I CERTAINLY didn't love my life at that time! lol So then I started thinking I might be here forever, just to torture me!

While in the hospital, earlier this year, while trying to keep McKenna from being born too soon, my doctor talked ALOT about my blood pressure, my health problems and the likelihood that I could stroke out and die before I ever had McKenna...my prayer at that time was just to live long enough to see my baby, even if that meant seconds, I just wanted to live long enough to know that my baby was alive and going to make it. Small dreams indeed!

Lately though, I've been so hopeful...Flylady has made such a huge difference in my point of view. And the 'Getting Things Done' book (an Audible purchase!) brought the rest of my organizational problems back into line. For the first time in my life, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.

In general, I would like to live long enough to, at the very least, see my grandchildren from each child. So that's a long time actually! But the ultimate would be to actually have time to get to KNOW my grandchildren as people.

But when I was sick this last time and waiting for test results, all I wanted was to be able to live long enough to have my newfound organizational skills realized. To have enough time to actually live in a non chaotic household. One that ran smoothly, not perfectly mind you, just more smoothly.

So you can see the bargaining process firsthand...if I'm sick or in danger, it suddenly comes down to just the barebones minimum of what I'd like to do...isn't that what we should always be shooting for? The small stuff makes all the difference.

I did stop to think about what I would have left behind...other than my children, not a hell of a lot! Unlike some parents, I don't take credit for the people that my children are turning out to be. They get all the credit for that. For the most part, parents are the obstacles that children have to overcome to realize their highest and true selves. Not that parents don't have some part in it, but I think, in general, parents take too much credit.

So the concept that I have no legacy that I'm leaving behind, that I haven't done enough good in the world is really bothering me lately. In a good way though...the thought is motivating me towards getting my #$% moving again towards my lifelong dream of leaving this place a better one...

With that being said, it's already 1:30 pm and I still can't find my pants...oh well, babysteps, right? ;)
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